Cruelties: Con-descension
The political con artistry that erodes our judgement and seduces our insecurities.
Being from New York and having spent considerable time in the arts and higher education, I appreciate personalities that balance the Right. Ironically, the Left is no longer characterized by liberalism as much as elitism and regressive progressivism. Sadly, many on the new Left have forgotten the difference. As social psychologist Jonathan Haidt has found, tribal morality “binds and blinds.” Even among psychotherapists, oftentimes the unspoken group rule is to casually slur the Right in a passing quip to build group cohesion. It is a subtle cruelty that maintains power for the ‘in’ crowd while ‘other’-ing and silencing values-based minorities. In spite of this, a growing number of Liberals, Conservatives, and Libertarians have begun to meet in the center and ask why radical social justice movements based on partial truths stormed society. To do so, it is important to understand what I refer to as Progressive Supremacism and its roots in the unconscious of individuals. It was in the middle of my research for this post that I remembered hearing Ben Shapiro and Russell Brand refer to The Emperor’s New Clothes. I remembered it as a lesson on groupthink, but there are also valuable clues on personality, manipulation, neuroscience, and our individual dilemmas within social systems.
The Emperor.
“These must, indeed, be splendid clothes!” thought the Emperor. “If I had such a suit, I might at once find out what men in my kingdom are unfit for their job. I would be able to tell the wise men from the foolish! This stuff must be woven for me immediately.”
The emperor is so obsessed with his fashion image that he wears a different outfit every hour and neglects duty and art. Today, selfies and tiktok videos are shot, altered, posted, liked, commented, re-posted, shared, re-shared… every hour while school and recreation fall by the wayside. It’s been said that…
“The most successful cons hinge on desire—what can the con artist offer the victim that will make them abandon rational thought for the promise of fantasy?” source: How Con Artists Win Your Trust
The shiny new thing for the emperor is that the new clothes will affirm his supremacy and tell him who else belongs in the same class with him. The emperor is sold on luxurious clothes that don’t exist, just as Social Justice activists are sold on luxury beliefs and dystopian ideals. Both the emperor and the woke have the following behaviors in common:
Relying on irrational reasoning to distinguish their sophistication.
Relying on external reference to validate their superiority.
Perpetual dissatisfaction and insecurity.
Shame and Paranoia.
“How is this?” said the Emperor to himself. “I can see nothing! This is indeed a terrible affair! Am I a simpleton, or am I unfit to be an Emperor? That would be the worst thing that could happen—Oh! The cloth is charming,” said he, aloud. “I approve of it completely.”
Obviously, the con appeals to the emperor’s narcissism, but first, it triggers his paranoia. The emperor has been harboring unconscious suspicions that he cannot trust his own judgment about those around him. Sadly, his suspicions valid. If he could trust himself, he wouldn’t fall for the con. If he could trust his staff, they wouldn’t be afraid of telling him the truth. That distrust of himself and others seems to be a recipe for the kingdom’s chaos. (I will write more about the paranoid personalities of the Woke in future posts.) Nancy McWilliams has explained in Psychoanalytic Diagnosis,
“the main way in which paranoid people try to enhance their self-esteem is through exerting effective power against authorities and other people of importance. Experiences of vindication and triumph give them a relieving (although fleeting) sense of both safety and moral rectitude.”
Like the emperor, those who consider themselves ‘social justice activists’ are prone to impostor syndrome and unconsciously strive to relieve their deep misgivings about themselves. This creates a vulnerability to exploitation. And just as the threat of shame keeps some in denial about being conned, it also keeps some ‘activists’ in denial of their involvement in a cult or a religion. It is ironic that in spite of (or because of) their paranoia, they place their faith in true impostors.
False Confidence.
“We shall be much obliged to you,” said the thieves. Then they named the many colors and described the pattern of the pretended stuff…The thieves asked for more silk and gold saying that it was necessary to complete what they had begun. Once again they put all that was given them into their knapsacks. They went on working with as much effort as before at their empty looms.”
As I research, it’s become apparent that con artists, cult initiators, and celebrity politicians share many of the same skills and strategies.
Scammers entice greed with, “We are going to make a lot of money together”
Cult leaders promise the cynical, “We are going to dismantle a broken system together.”
The experiences of people who have left BLM and the Woke are virtually identical with those who left Marxist cults of past decades. In Alexandra Stein’s book on political cults Terror, Love, and Brainwashing: Attachment in Cults and Totalitarian Systems, subjects reported years of volunteering, recruiting, and fundraising for a staunch promise of a better world. All that actually happened was leadership profiteering and years of abuse.
The con artist is a particular kind of manipulator that boosts our confidence when we should be guarded. Gavin DeBecker, security expert, trauma survivor, and author of The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence has termed the linguistic illusion of cooperation “forced teaming.” It happens when a con artist replaces “you” or “I” with “we” and “us.” For example, Michelle Obama, (partner of Mr. “Yes we can!”) delivered that famous phrase, “When they go low, we go high.” After a defeat, the former first lady used her hands in space to place her own team above the winning party, indicating that the other team was inferior and that her team was superior. The insinuation about others being lower seems ill-fitting for the high road she claimed to take, but the provocation of shame is necessary for false confidence to have appeal. Of course, the political Right has its own con artists and tactics of ridicule, but the art of condescension - stimulating someone’s shame beneath their awareness is a skill they do not seem to have or use.
The Silent who know better.
“The poor old wise man looked and looked. He could not see anything on the looms for a very good reason. There was nothing there. “What!” thought he again. “Is it possible that I am a fool? I have never thought so myself. No one must know it now if I am so. Can it be, that I am unfit for my job? No, the Emperor must not know that either. I will never tell that I could not see the stuff.”
There are some that are honest with themselves, but cannot afford to risk losing their jobs. Corporations are requiring Critical Race Theory training to enforce a belief that America is institutionally racist without sufficient evidence to make a claim that’s so extreme. Just as is the case with vaccine mandates, these policies hardly mask the irony that the targets are mostly people of color. Coerced compliance exploits their need to work. The same is true of many students and professors in universities, as well as professionals in my field. I know psychotherapists who brand themselves with anti-oppression to compensate for their lack of clinical skills. But I also know therapists who suffer mentally under institutionalized antiracism for the sake of their livelihood. Some remain quiet not just because they fear shame, but because they fear losing their job. Some may look back on this time and regret submitting. Others may have no regrets because they did the best they could when no other option was available. It will come down to what is right for the individual person in their circumstances.
The Crowd.
“All were eager to learn how wise or how foolish their neighbors might be…”
Both narcissists and the paranoid have high shame-aversion in common. Truth is we are all shame-averse, yet we live in a time when it’s very hard to avoid being exposed to micro-dosing of shame (especially if you’re a Twitter addict).
Politicians are celebrated for throwing shade at opponents.
News anchors (mostly the big networks with slumping ratings) host “conversations” to belittle guests who have different opinions.
The unvaccinated who are unfortunate enough to contract and/or die of covid are made an example of on vaccine-pushing campaigns.
Deductive reasoning is labeled “conspiracy theory.”
The list goes on - usually in the name of “safety” and “for your protection” or “we’re all in this together.”
Being constantly exposed to subtle shaming compromises our judgment. Under these circumstances, a con to replace shame is an offer some can’t refuse.
Many of us are probably not aware that we have all witnessed or experienced nonverbal forced teaming and shaming as we watched the 2020 presidential debates. While the Republican incumbents glared at their opponents, their Democratic challengers ignored them and softened their gazes to the audience and moderator. By putting down their opponent and force-teaming with the audience, the challengers placed their supporters above their opponent. Every time the incumbent raised his voice in alarm, his opponents lowered their voices, communicating control and status. Every time the incumbents stimulated the audience’s anxiety, their opponents shamed them and made promises to the audience. Aside from the triangulation, this act took our nervous systems for a ride.
Some Neuroscience.
Good enough parents calm their children from sympathetic arousal to a relaxed state of the parasympathetic nervous system. Manipulative parents deliberately upset their children and then rescue them, creating a trauma bond. In other words, some of us learned to love the adult because they could hurt us. The shame that condescension provokes is both dreadful and involuntary. Neuroscientist Stefanie Faye has compared the body’s response to shame with the body’s response to death, which is why we tend to avoid it at all costs. She has identified what she calls the ‘shame-submission response’ and considers it “the most dangerous because it is tied to submission to a ‘predator.’ ” It is not uncommon for predatory personalities to attempt inducing fear and shame in those they feel threatened by (including psychotherapists.) The effect can be powerful and mysterious, which is why understanding how our nervous systems unconsciously register and respond to complex shame tactics is important.
Predators attempt to subdue ‘threats’ by shaming targets into submission or exploiting our instinct to escape. Now let’s consider condescension to be a subtle and complex shame tactic. Deftly delivered, it signals that the predator is superior AND friendly AND dangerous. A potential victim’s neuroception unconsciously receives the message and begins searching for a way out. The predator veils the threat with a warm smile and soothing voice, so the target’s nervous system registers that the source of threat is also the source of safety. The result is that some brain-bodies struggle with confusion but mobilize defenses. Others abandon defenses and attach themselves to their predator. Still others learn to guard their vulnerabilities and recover their wits.
We live in a crucial time when we need our nervous systems to be working in our favor, not against us. My hope is that all of you readers will be better equipped to fend against the shame-submission tactics targeting our rights and freedoms.
Something old and nothing new.
The interview between Charlie Rose and Dr. Thomas Sowell is more civil and the condescension more infrequent than what we are accustomed to seeing in media today. For this reason, it is an interesting study on nonverbal communication and power dynamics. About 15 minutes into the interview, when Sowell begins to make his point, Rose cuts him off with condescension, aimlessly lists random token minorities until he can tell Sowell has started to drift, and slows his speech down to the point that Sowell momentarily loses his own train of thought. At that moment, Rose smugly offers conciliatory compliments (NOT an apology) to mask his responsibility for sabotaging his guest. However, when Sowell recovers and makes a strong point, Rose becomes agitated again and labels him a ‘conspiracy theorist’ under a hostile smile. After Sowell has recovered his point and notes Rose’s emotional manipulation, Rose dismisses his guest’s arguments before accusing Sowell of being dismissive.
One of the interesting things about this interview is what some might call the intersectional experience of a Black man and Conservative intellectual against a condescending White Liberal man. It could be said that the condescension demonstrated was an unsuccessful attempt at oppressing an individual who challenged the patronizing Progressive narrative. Condescension towards values-based minorities is no less mean-spirited than condescension towards racial/ethnic minorities. It is a bigoted power play that is protected by political status. If micro aggressions and systemic -isms and -obias are truly a concern for society, then the condescension with which the privileged political class undermines dissent deserves equal recognition as such.
Dis-Illusion-ment.
“But the Emperor has nothing at all on!” said a little child. “Listen to the voice of the child!” exclaimed his father. What the child had said was whispered from one to another. “But he has nothing at all on!” at last cried out all the people.”
To those who have fallen for the con…
It’s important to recognize that con artists play on emotions, not intelligence. There is no shame in falling for it. No one is immune. It is an opportunity to learn mastery over our brain-bodies and to help others learn from our mistakes as many who have left the Woke and BLM have done. They deserve a lot of credit for their courage.
To those who have sensed something is very wrong and are afraid…
Social psychologist Alexandra Stein has said that the first barrier against coercion and abuse is “ ‘the acquisition of a sense of understanding, a theory about what is going on, an awareness of being manipulated.” Psychiatrist Robert Jay Lifton has found that in many cases, understanding how manipulation works doesn’t guarantee immunity from being manipulated, but it does alleviate the anxiety that makes us vulnerable.
The lesson for all of us is to first notice who or what triggers our admiration AND our inadequacy. We would also do well to remember that condescending media personalities are neither authentic nor mentally vibrant. When they feel threatened by independent minds, they preserve their elite status by what Stephanie Faye calls “neurochemically-toxic, brain-circuitry degrading, primitive defense tactic.” But the more they try to shame others into submission, the more they deplete their own brains of capacity for “creativity, future-thinking and innovation.”
Your Story…
As a drama therapist, I work with narratives and guide clients to discover aspects of their experience through various roles. Assuming that no role is inherently good or bad allows for expansive exploration, surprising discoveries, and bridges of empathy. I would rather be using this story for drama therapy, but as a writer I’d like to encourage my readers.
Truthfully, we are left with the question of what to do about the weavers. What can we do when the weavers become the emperors? What if the con becomes a mandate? I won’t pretend to have the answers to these questions. But I do know that the weavers consist of psychologists who exploit their knowledge. It’s time we level the playing field.
If you recognize yourself in the emperor, remember that nobody is immune to a con. Consider that the source of a weakness in one context is probably also the source of a strength in another.
If you identify with the wise men who were afraid of losing their jobs by speaking the truth, know that you are in company.
If you feel like the child who has the courage to say what everyone else is thinking, protect this strength.
If you are a parent who has raised a child to have an independent mind, well done!
And if you suspect that your power is in passing whispers through a crowd, then subscribe and share this post!