Ironies: Why we were looking for the grown-ups in the wrong places
...and what we are learning from our mistakes in year 3 of this pandemic
Happy New Year, Readers!
In my memories of the last year, the “Fauci ouchie” fanclub has got to be one of the most bizarre and inorganic absurdities - along with the January 6th stampede and covid-19 pandemic. Vaccines were promoted like a sacrament from the self-styled incarnation of science while others elevated the former president to a level of messianic importance before their hopes were crushed. When he was no longer in office, the new president received cheers that “the grownups are back!” But then the new administration’s poor performance resulted in global heckling to the tune of “Let’s go Brandon!”
Why do we expect things and people to deliver us from whatever troubles us when we are disappointed time and again?
Observing this in children
Psychotherapy with children commonly makes use of a child’s imagination and faith in superpowers to provide security, wisdom, and triumph. I was under the impression that most adults outgrow their magic helpers, or that adults mature by leveraging faith in spiritual figures.
Then I learned about “pronoia” - the belief that “the universe” is conspiring in our favor. This reframe is deliberately optimistic, in contrast to an unconscious pessimism. The object of either belief fits the description of what Erich Fromm, a humanist referred to as “the magic helper.” A combination of personal and professional observations indicates that the magic helper exists in the devoutly religious, in the “spiritual but not religious,” in agnostics, and even in atheists.
Observing this in adults
It was in the summer of 2020 that I began noticing trends of behaviors and beliefs that could be described as ‘blind faith’. It was during a wait in a line at a hardware store that I overheard another customer express admiration for the governor of New York a little too loudly and too enthusiastically. (She said this while he was sending covid positive cases to nursing homes.) What was curious to me at the time was that the other customer was neither psychotic nor antagonistic. Dependence in the absence of sadomasochism is perhaps the most innocent and childlike state of dependence.
“There is however, a milder form of dependency which is so general inner culture that only in exceptional cases does it seem to be lacking. This dependency does not have the dangerous and passionate qualities of sadomasochism…”
“I am referring to the kind of persons whose life is in a subtle way related to some power outside themselves. There is nothing they do, feel, or think which is not somehow related to this power. They expect protection from ‘him,’ wish to be taken care of by ‘him,’ make’ him’ also responsible for whatever may be the outcome of their own actions. Often the fact of his dependence is something the person is not aware of at all. Even if there is a dim awareness of some dependency, the person or power on whom he is dependent often remains nebulous. There is no definite image linked up with that power. Its essential quality is to represent a certain function, namely to protect, help, and develop the individual, to be with him and never leave him alone. The ‘X’ which has these qualities may be called the magic helper.”
Escape from Freedom - Erich Fromm
It was in the naïveté of the woman at the hardware store. It is in the admiration that children have for their parents and guardian angels. It’s in superstitions and rituals to the saints. And it easily transfers into idealization of lovers and adulation of leaders.
“Frequently, of course, the ‘magic helper’ is personified: he is conceived of as God, as a principle, or as real persons such as one’s parent, husband, wife, or superior. It is important to recognize that when real persons assume the role of the magic helper they are endowed with magic qualities, and the significance they have results from their being the personification of the magic helper.”
Escape from Freedom - Erich Fromm
Theologians have claimed that in every human exists “a God-shaped hole” and we attempt to fill it with anyone and anything. Evolutionary psychologists and social psychologists have identified various functions of belief in a higher power and shared belief system. Whatever might explain this aspect of the human condition, it is observable in people of all convictions. Any person, group, or cause can take on excessive power. Erich Fromm found that
“The reasons why a person is bound to a magic helper are, in principle, the same that we have found at the root of the symbiotic drives: an inability to stand alone and to fully express his own individual potentialities. In the sado-masochistic strivings this inability leads to a tendency to get rid of one’s individual self through dependency on the magic helper - in the milder form of dependency I am discussing now it only leads to a wish for guidance and protection. The intensity of the relatedness to the magic helper is in reverse proportion to the ability to express spontaneously one’s own intellectual, emotional, and sensuous potentialities. In other words, one hopes to get everything one expects from life, from the magic helper, instead of by one’s own actions.”
Escape from Freedom - Erich Fromm
The “inability to stand alone” threatens all of us to some extent, but there are cycles in history when collective society discourages and even threatens individual safety and flourishing. The authors of Pendulum found that such circumstances are correlated to a decline in the arts and industry. And no wonder. When free speech is suppressed, so is original thought, creativity, and play - all of which are necessary for normal development. Without the originality and courage of creators and innovators, society cannot experience growth or progress.
The dark side of seeking magic help
“The more this is the case, the more is the center of life shifted from one’s own person to the magic helper and his personifications. The question is then no longer how to live oneself, but how to manipulate ‘him’ in order not to lose him and how to make him do what one wants, even to make him responsible for what one is responsible oneself. In the more extreme cases, a person’s whole life consists almost entirely in the attempt to manipulate ‘him’; people differ in the means which they use; for some obedience, for some ‘goodness,’ for others suffering is the main means of manipulation. We see, then, that there is no feeling, thought, or emotion that is not at least colored by the need to manipulate ‘him’; in other words, that no psychic act is really spontaneous or free. This dependency, springing from and at the same time leading to a blockage of spontaneity, not only gives a certain amount of security but also results in a feeling of weakness and bondage. As far as this is the case, the very person who is dependent on the magic helper also feels, although often unconsciously, enslaved by ‘him’ and, to a greater or lesser degree, rebels against ‘him.’ This rebelliousness against the very person on whom one has put one’s hopes for security and happiness, creates new conflicts. It has to be suppressed if one is not to lose ‘him,’ but the underlying antagonism constantly threatens the security sought for in the relationship.”
Escape from Freedom - Erich Fromm
Fromm observed that the less spontaneous and efficacious we are, the harder we depend on someone or something else to “make” things happen. Every eighty years, such conditions set the stage for tribalism, war, and occultism. Eighty years ago, Adolf Hitler claimed an ancient symbol of supernatural power to aid the Third Reich. He was an artist who failed at creativity and then enmeshed himself in the occult. Today, witchcraft and superstitions seem to be gaining popularity and acceptance as they did in Europe in the 1930s. Regardless of whether spirits exist or can be manipulated, the damage to mental health that results from occult involvement should give pause for reconsideration.
Standing alone…with the magic helper
In Fromm’s estimation, dependence on the magic helper obstructs spontaneity and vice versa, but rebellion against one’s magic helper results in psychological complications. Rebellion against a group of other people however, requires a great deal of backbone. These are rebels who are able to stand alone and to do so spontaneously. No longer children to their parents, these individuals are friends with their Helper. Conscious or not, their relationship is grounded not in fancies and dependence, but in reality and responsibility. They take upon themselves the burden to achieve what is necessary, and they set this example for others to follow.
Whatever holidays you have celebrated or are still celebrating, I hope you find just such a relationship with the best magic helper possible.